Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize