Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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