I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
