You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
