Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
