don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
