You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
