its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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