I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize