What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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