Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
