JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
