You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
