I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
don't judge my taste in strippers
And then my night got REAL pukey
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
