the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
