I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
