i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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