Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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