Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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