Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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