Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
