I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
