im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
