why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
