This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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