You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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