How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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