omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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