my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
