JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
