I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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