Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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