sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
