I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
