Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
