in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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