the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
