I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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