How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
