I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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