no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
