i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
