I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
