Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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