I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
