Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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