Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
