you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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