Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
