just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I stole a fireplace last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
