How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
