There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
