you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
