So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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