...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
