I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
