Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
