I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
