I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
