I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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