I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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