So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
